JUST SIT BY ME (stop chatting shit)
Oh I’m feeling so not quite here I’ve hit myself over the head with my mobile I’m not quite me . I had therapy earlier and we hit a place ..I don’t do endings and we talked about this ending in a years time and I crashed dissociated I went into the black hole where I see me alone as a child alone as a child I felt so alone I felt so lonely. Snap back you talk me round and I tell you about friends who have let me down and away I go again snot dribble dissociation .
I leave and I know I’m not good I do my stuff I’m the perfect mental ?.. I walk I distract I am mindful but I’m not coping I’m not coping.
I run I run and find myself outside dissociating and I go back to the old ways that don’t really help me. It doesn’t help me !!!
I call for help .. PLEASE HELP ME oh and you the man from the CMHT tell me you tell me I’ve been here before I can ring the helpline or Samaritans I can call my care coordinator next week and and and what you’re saying is just go away… YOU JUST GO AWAY … oh and by the way I know you’re intelligent go away…. and what you forget to tell me what was really important … I know it’s awful it must be so painful…… you know you need to JUST SIT BY ME… JUST BE WITH ME ….
I’m sad right now therapy is hard but it’s helping … People need to know sometimes just being with someone is more important than just chatting shit