Heading for therapy at last to help with my attachment difficulties … I’m afraid of close relationships I don’t do friends it’s too hard I’m afraid they’re going to leave I just don’t trust people . It makes me sad and can lead me to self harm I want to be close to you, I want to be your friend but it’s too dangerous.
If you go away …it’s catastrophic oh I feel the pain it floors me it leaves me curled up in a ball sobbing I want to I need to stop the pain …run away into my mind I see images of crashing my car of trains of pills strewn of me in pain oh stop the pain . Emotional pain is so much more painful for me than physical pain I can self harm it doesn’t hurt it stops the emotions the real pain the exquisitely disturbing place of my past haunting me it traps me I’m a product of a traumatic childhood ….save me.
I want to be close I want to be close …..
My mum leaving sectioned … Overdosing … Losing her mind she’s not there.. ECT … Drugged …. and I’m so small and so I don’t have secure attachments I don’t know how to self sooth I can’t trust I think you’re going to leave and god dammit you’re going to hurt me and it won’t be good enough ever…..
Frightened as a child frightened as an adult …frustrated I’m seen as an attention seeker but I just need to feel safe I just need you to help regulate my emotions sometimes they are so out of control. Just validate my emotions show you understand me it’s all I ask … I don’t need to drink tea I don’t need to go for a walk ask me what helps me…
I’m heading for therapy I’m hopeful…it’s Transference Focused Psychotherapy long-term I want a best friend and that’s my aim… I crave closeness I’m hopeful ….
About bpdffsI campaign for better services for people with BPD. I run #BPDchat onTwitter on Sundays at 9pm BST, please join us. I train CMHT staff in BPD awareness and run psycho-educational courses for people with BPD. I am a governor at Sheffield Health and Social Care Trust.
- RT @OfficialBPDChat: Sunday! #BPDChat ! Topic: Primary and Secondary Emotions: Noticing & Expressing Your "True" Emotions - 9pm GMT (UK), 4… 16 hours ago
- @KittyCormack @Girl_Interrupt_ @DannGooding @VanessaLGarrity @MarkOneinFour @Sectioned_ @Mental_Elf @ScottybooSb… twitter.com/i/web/status/9… 18 hours ago
- RT @ProfLAppleby: Cutting as method of self-harm often seen as low risk but our follow-up found stronger link to suicide, for hosp cases at… 20 hours ago
- @Girl_Interrupt_ @KittyCormack @DannGooding @VanessaLGarrity @MarkOneinFour @Sectioned_ @Mental_Elf @ScottybooSb… twitter.com/i/web/status/9… 1 day ago
- RT @Shrink_at_Large: My twitter feed is full of desperation that JL didn’t get the help she needed, when she asked so clearly and so insist… 1 day ago