SHAME AND SELF HARM
I self harm I’m ashamed that I do. You know I’m old and I should know better. I should think about my kids, I should leave the hospital because people who are really ill need the beds, I deserve to get my feet slapped by a nurse as she walks by, I don’t get a burn treated twice after I have overdosed and self harmed and I’m too ashamed to ask you to treat me.
I sit in a wheelchair head spinning not offered a bed at five in the morning I sit there tears pouring I feel your disdain, my kids, you should think of them, you should think of them and I DO ..I LOVE THEM BUT THEY’RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME .
This is what has happened to me over the past few years in A&E I have come across some kind people but mainly I am misunderstood judged and treated like I’m an outcast .
The BBC recently talked about self harm and how people are not given proper care by psychiatric liaison .
I have been asked by psychiatric liaison do you really want to see us? A definite plea for me to say no they are overworked looking stressed they ask the same set questions and I know them all, a pointless tick box exercise its not going to help as no follow up is offered, just left to go home alone, no one calls and I’ve overdosed I’m feeling suicidal.
To the male nurse who told me that really ill people needed my bed.. To you I say I sometimes become overwhelmed I was abused as a child and sometimes I find that hard to manage so I hurt myself and yes I feel ashamed and yes I wish I didn’t . You sent me home I could hardly walk I was still unsteady on my feet, unbelievable .
To the female nurse who told me I should think of my children I do everyday but I get so low sometimes I think they’re better off without me and the guilt I now feel breaks my heart.
To the nurse who slapped my feet I would show you compassion if you were in the same position as me .
To the nurses and doctors who don’t treat people who self harm properly who leave people untreated and don’t refer us to burn units because we just self harm and don’t deserve it I’m scarred now because my wounds got infected you didn’t even dress them
To those who leave me in a wheelchair when I can hardly sit in the CDU (clinical decisions unit ) you could be kind and offer me a bed I’m distressed I’m upset I’m in crisis , I’m just not coping.
Understand people self harm because they are distressed often have suffered trauma and find it hard when overwhelmed how to communicate the distress in other ways. That they feel so ashamed, guilty sad and hate themselves . A little kindness would help, just a little.
I would love to go in and educate staff so they can understand, as mental health is so misunderstood and self harm is taboo. People need compassion that is not so hard.
Can you tell me your experiences of being in A&E have you had good or bad treatment