You can call me flowers..

Recently on Twitter I have had several conversations with people around the ideas that they believe  BPD should be scrapped as a diagnosis . They are lovely people and I know  some are psychologists who think the diagnosis is so stigmatising and should be seen as PTSD or psychosis and people should be treated as they present. Some believe that should be the case for any diagnosis but all seem to obsessed about getting rid of the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder.
I find this somewhat confusing, is it because we are seen as untreatable ? Its best getting rid of the diagnosis altogether, is it because everyone feels they could have a diagnosis at some point in their lives and we should just pull ourselves together? Maybe it’s about the fact that the people who treat us and not all, truly stigmatise us call us attention seekers, because we self harm when really we are in such emotional pain we don’t know what else to do.  Do they want rid of us off the wards because we are so hard? We push you away we pull you in but only because we crave connection but can’t handle it when people come in  close.  Disorganized attachments mean we don’t know if it’s safe to be with you, Bowlby Ainsworth, so we push you away and so you find it so hard you find it so hard .. YOU FIND IT SO HARD ..  We reject you but it’s because we’re scared.
I can only tell you my story so you may understand, I got a diagnosis when I was 46 I’m 50 now, I lived my life with suppressed feelings. All my life I quietly self harmed overdosed took drugs when I was younger then I got triggered and was given a diagnosis.
For me it was a defining moment I thought my psychiatrist was talking rubbish as my mum had catatonic schizophrenia and I was nothing like her … But I watched a youtube video and this made me think this is me .  From then I went on to meet more people like me on Facebook and Twitter, I learned and I felt I wasn’t alone for the first time in my life I didn’t feel strange the odd one out I felt accepted I felt ok. I felt I had BPD and there were lots of people like me and I discovered lots of them recovered, one with CBT many with DBT and I felt hope for me I could be happy for the first time in my life .
So why do you hate my diagnosis why do you think it shouldn’t exist? It helped me find others like me. It has helped me access services, and I have needed that support over the past few years.  I have overdosed twice as a means to compete suicide and many times as a form of self harm.   I have also self harmed, hallucinated, punched walls, got so angry, dissociated , crashed my car and spent hours in bed hiding and I’ve been able to talk to my social worker who has helped me through these times but without a diagnosis who would have been there would I be dead?
For me meeting people like me mainly online has meant I can recover I don’t feel different and I have learnt so much, from research and being able to educate myself so I understand what’s happening so I can begin to recover, teach me how to build my life back up again and I have done. I’m back working now I’m enjoying myself and although I sometimes still crash I know I’m so much better, I feel joy sometimes I feel like I can enjoy  life I feel happy. Now you tell me how I could have got there without that ? And  you tell me I have a Bullshit  Psychiatric Diagnosis  BPD and  I will tell you a story of one in ten people who complete suicide, of so many people who recover because they get the right therapy  and for all the emotionally sensitive people out there I send you my greatest respect because somedays I know it’s just so hard , feeling stigmatised feeling unbelieved well I’m here fighting for you FFS . You know call it BPD call it Flowers I just want people like me to be able to access the help they need and not be marginalized …

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About bpdffs

I campaign for better services for people with BPD. I run #BPDchat onTwitter on Sundays at 9pm BST, please join us. I train CMHT staff in BPD awareness and run psycho-educational courses for people with BPD. I am a governor at Sheffield Health and Social Care Trust.

10 responses to “You can call me flowers..”

  1. Julie Newcombe (@TwittleyJules) says :

    Too bloody right! Well said. What naive moron thinks you can solve a problem by taking away its name? This has to be the latest mental health cost cutting exercise cos it sure as hell makes no sense. Carry on FFS! Hugs xx

    • bpdffs says :

      Thanks it seems strange to me why some people want to say my diagnosis doesn’t exist .. Mainly it’s people who think they are helping, I say ask the people with the diagnosis what do they think…

  2. mymermaidheart says :

    Rather than getting rid of the diagnosis, perhaps a more positive perception of BPD sufferers and treatment is needed. People with BPD can be helped by well trained professionals and the more they know about BPD the less overwhelming or confusing it will become to them.

    • bpdffs says :

      Agreed I believe educating people is key which is what I spend my time doing, raising awareness, I think professionals can help but my belief is we can help each other and ourselves too ..

  3. bpdnme says :

    Just to be able to identify and relate your experience to what others also suffer is life saving. As an individual it is a crazy lonely existence. I don’t care what they call it FFS. Just to gain support from the community is a step in the right direction and a relief from feeling like the only person in the world that has to live through the fractured life of a BPD sufferer. To finally know what it is and how it has affected my life and others diminishes the guilt and shame that behaviors and feelings bring to a BPD sufferers life.

    Sue I thank you for writing this post. I think recognition will only come through actions such as the NFL player B Marshall and his green cleats.

    I am in Australia and fight the ignorance of BPD in the psychiatric treatment community and the recognition of this disorder.

    Persistence and communications such as this post will be the only avenue for recognition and ultimately proper treatment of this disorder.

    They can call it bullshit disorder for all I care, it’s just nice to know why I have never thought or felt like others.

    • bpdffs says :

      So true call it what you like, you know I love emotionally sensitive people because that for me is what I am. Meeting other people has been key for me I have learnt so much from my peers and if I didn’t have a DX how would I do that? Thanks for commenting

  4. Kris says :

    I loved your conversations on twitter (I’m krismarie80) about this and you’ve done a great job of putting it together as a blog post. Keep doing what you do – I don’t participate in BPDChat as it’s not my diagnosis so I have no business there. But I watch it for my own education and understanding, and the way you operate it while being mindful of trigger words and providing support resources before and after is wonderful! There are other mental health chats out there that could learn from your methods. Thank you for everything x

    • bpdffs says :

      Thank you for your kind words I’m glad you like the post. I’m also happy you enjoy BPDChat I think lots od people watch it as well as you and that’s really wonderful. Thanks for taking time to post comments xx

  5. Pinky says :

    It’s a bit of a difficult one for me, because I was diagnosed in the 90’s and if you had a diagnosis of BPD then, it was used to exclude people from therapy or hospital on the basis that it was a waste of resources trying to help you.


    Unfortunately for our “wise” clinicians, I have recovered beyond all of their expectations and some.

    This was mainly due to me implementing DBT over 15 years, which I learnt myself and which worked.

    I think the name of the diagnosis should be changed to Emotionally Intense and Sensitive personality or something like that because ‘Borderline’ doesn’t really mean anything. Also, telling someone their personality is disordered is a bit frightening because it sounds as if you will be like that forever. It would also end the practice of excluding people from services. But then the service providers have their own personality disorders which are soooooo intractable and difficult to treat that I think they all need to be sectioned and fed drugs;)

    • bpdffs says :

      Agree we can recover and DBT has 25 RCT’ s proving it works. and i am self taught too I think like you people are still excluded from services and that’s because clinicians haven’t bothered to learn how to, lazy really. I like emotionally sensitive people that’s what we are, i like your idea too. Thanks for commenting

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