You can call me flowers..
Recently on Twitter I have had several conversations with people around the ideas that they believe BPD should be scrapped as a diagnosis . They are lovely people and I know some are psychologists who think the diagnosis is so stigmatising and should be seen as PTSD or psychosis and people should be treated as they present. Some believe that should be the case for any diagnosis but all seem to obsessed about getting rid of the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder.
I find this somewhat confusing, is it because we are seen as untreatable ? Its best getting rid of the diagnosis altogether, is it because everyone feels they could have a diagnosis at some point in their lives and we should just pull ourselves together? Maybe it’s about the fact that the people who treat us and not all, truly stigmatise us call us attention seekers, because we self harm when really we are in such emotional pain we don’t know what else to do. Do they want rid of us off the wards because we are so hard? We push you away we pull you in but only because we crave connection but can’t handle it when people come in close. Disorganized attachments mean we don’t know if it’s safe to be with you, Bowlby Ainsworth, so we push you away and so you find it so hard you find it so hard .. YOU FIND IT SO HARD .. We reject you but it’s because we’re scared.
I can only tell you my story so you may understand, I got a diagnosis when I was 46 I’m 50 now, I lived my life with suppressed feelings. All my life I quietly self harmed overdosed took drugs when I was younger then I got triggered and was given a diagnosis.
For me it was a defining moment I thought my psychiatrist was talking rubbish as my mum had catatonic schizophrenia and I was nothing like her … But I watched a youtube video and this made me think this is me . http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Nqo0PlGfeWE&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DNqo0PlGfeWE From then I went on to meet more people like me on Facebook and Twitter, I learned and I felt I wasn’t alone for the first time in my life I didn’t feel strange the odd one out I felt accepted I felt ok. I felt I had BPD and there were lots of people like me and I discovered lots of them recovered, one with CBT many with DBT and I felt hope for me I could be happy for the first time in my life .
So why do you hate my diagnosis why do you think it shouldn’t exist? It helped me find others like me. It has helped me access services, and I have needed that support over the past few years. I have overdosed twice as a means to compete suicide and many times as a form of self harm. I have also self harmed, hallucinated, punched walls, got so angry, dissociated , crashed my car and spent hours in bed hiding and I’ve been able to talk to my social worker who has helped me through these times but without a diagnosis who would have been there would I be dead?
For me meeting people like me mainly online has meant I can recover I don’t feel different and I have learnt so much, from research and being able to educate myself so I understand what’s happening so I can begin to recover, teach me how to build my life back up again and I have done. I’m back working now I’m enjoying myself and although I sometimes still crash I know I’m so much better, I feel joy sometimes I feel like I can enjoy life I feel happy. Now you tell me how I could have got there without that ? And you tell me I have a Bullshit Psychiatric Diagnosis BPD and I will tell you a story of one in ten people who complete suicide, of so many people who recover because they get the right therapy and for all the emotionally sensitive people out there I send you my greatest respect because somedays I know it’s just so hard , feeling stigmatised feeling unbelieved well I’m here fighting for you FFS . You know call it BPD call it Flowers I just want people like me to be able to access the help they need and not be marginalized …