May is Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month and I thought I would write a short blog in honour of everyone with BPD the lovely emotional people we are. The first thing I want to say is that I’m proud I have BPD and although I wish certain things hadnt happened to me in my life I am learning to live with it. I still have my ups and downs which I mainly keep to myself and a few close friends, I’m a private person I don’t shout about every bad episode I go through, but that’s just me.
Emotions are what I want to celebrate for Borderline Personality Month. I wonder in this life why emotions are looked upon with such distaste. For example we must argue logically and women are often told that they are too emotional like its a bad thing, emotions must be kept under control and big boys don’t cry can’t cry it’s just not socially acceptable.
We often hide from our emotions for the whole of our lives to protect ourselves from ourselves but it just makes us worse. I know I’ve been there and done that it’s so sad.
So no wonder the most emotional people those of us with BPD are told that we are totally emotionally dysregulated and we are stigmatised because of it.
We are told we need to learn to fit in with society and learn to regulate ourselves.
Well what if I’m happy living as an emotional person and that others need to be tolerant of my differences. I live on my emotions I feel pain and feel sadness but I also feel great joy that I’m sure other people can’t. I see other’s emotions , remember people by what they were feeling often not what they said, I often know what you are feeling I sense it and sometimes I can’t look you in the eye as its all too much to bare
I’m learning through mindfulness to accept these emotions even though it can be so painful to live through such deep sadness, I weep through meditation but then I can feel the joy bubbling up when I see my girls just being beautiful as they are.
Emotions are good and being emotional is not a bad thing. I am an emotional person and I will not apologise for it, or change for that matter.
I accept there are people who are very logical who bug the hell out of me but they are who they are and that’s ok too : )
So here’s to everyone with BPD you are strong kind compassionate and a lovely bunch of people who manage emotional distress everyday. Happy Borderline Personality Awareness month and learn to love your emotions.