Twitter A

I told a story the other day, i was asked to do an inspirational speech to some people who worked for a housing association it was an equality, diversity day. My story went like this.
Hi my names Sue, let me tell you a bit about myself, I’m not going to talk about housing… I live in a house but I don’t know about housing. I’m going to talk about me, that’s my favourite subject, I know about me.
So I was born in Leeds, I went to Uni in Manchester I dropped out and went to work in a nightclub in Leeds six nights a week, then I got asked to DJ at a club in Sheffield The Leadmill, I worked there for 20 years, I ended up part owning the club and managing it, I ran a 70 s night called Hotpants and I bought my house when it got sold. I sold my shares in The Leadmill. I then worked for a local college training Door supervisors and licensing training, I was a sucessful person, I had it all, a partner a house two kids. I had it all. Everything. A house in Florida.
Rewind… Rewind… Rewind… Rewind…
I was born in Leeds, I worked in a club, I took lots of drugs, I got drunk lots, I self harmed, I overdosed, I cut my wrists. I lived with a nurse who sewed me up, I was scared of psychiatrists, they locked you away, they gave you ECT, they made you a zombie, so I stayed away.
I went to work at a club The Leadmill in Sheffield, I weighed 7 stone I was so underweight, I couldn’t eat in restaurants for three years , I had panic attacks, I still self harmed, but nobody knew, it was always a gardening accident, or I fell or I, oh the stories I told.
I never slept only four or five hours a night I was so tired, I didn’t feel anything, but I wretched most mornings before I went to work.
I kept going I couldn’t give in, you don’t give in. You can’t fail. I won’t fail.
I got to 46, I got too tired, I had to stop. I got told I had Borderline Personality Disorder.
My life, you would never know, I couldn’t admit I was ill because of stigma. You would never know. I didn’t really know, I thought it was normal.
I manage my illness now, I have my ups and downs, but I’m the one in four you can’t see. I’m hidden. I’m a successful person despite all of this. That’s inspiring, well I inspire me.

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About bpdffs

I campaign for better services for people with BPD. I run #BPDchat onTwitter on Sundays at 9pm BST, please join us. I train CMHT staff in BPD awareness and run psycho-educational courses for people with BPD. I am a governor at Sheffield Health and Social Care Trust.

3 responses to “Twitter A”

  1. confusedandbewildered says :

    Thanks for telling your story. Was there a life event that suddenly made the symptoms worse and you get a diagnosis/help?
    For me apparently it’s obvious looking back this has been my diagnosis but recent life events have intensified symptoms making me get help

    • bpdffs says :

      Mine was going to my mums CPA where several things were discussed. She has schizophrenia, I got triggered. I also had attempted to make friends with someone, which didn’t work out. I had no idea how to be a friend.

  2. Caity Russell (@RuffleJam) says :

    Hello bpdffs. i have bpd too and im rather oversharing my way round the whole internet looking for folks like me and virtually running and jumping into piles of them with open arms and huge grins. i suspect a v low mood lurks somewhere not far, but right now i am delighted to have found an explanation for all my difficulties in life. the identity thing, the detachment from reality thing, the weird relationships thing, the emotional tsunami and anger mismanagement thing… hello folks. nice to be home.
    id like to help others, like you do. any tips you fancy sending me on how to do that greatly appreciated. i have time to volunteer at something while my kids are at school.
    all the best,
    me.

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